Cinema Beans: Hysteria
My girlfriend and I keep of list of celebrities we’re allowed to romance (to put it lightly). Hers has the typical choices: Alec Baldwin, Colin Farrell, Ryan Gosling. And mine has the typical choices as well: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Emily Mortimer, Ryan Gosling. But...
Oh hey, Felicity Jones! Funny you should be reading this, because you’re on this precious shortlist as well. I know, I know, that sounds creepy, and it explains all those anonymous emails you’ve been receiving, but hear me out: I’m using one of my award picks for you. I wouldn’t do that for just anybody. Sure, Hysteria already owns a hilarious set-up, being about the invention of the dildo and whatnot, but I could’ve given it to something really goofy, like The Grey or Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. But here I am, promoting your movie! Now I think this deserves at least one email response.
Oh hey, Felicity Jones! Funny you should be reading this, because you’re on this precious shortlist as well. I know, I know, that sounds creepy, and it explains all those anonymous emails you’ve been receiving, but hear me out: I’m using one of my award picks for you. I wouldn’t do that for just anybody. Sure, Hysteria already owns a hilarious set-up, being about the invention of the dildo and whatnot, but I could’ve given it to something really goofy, like The Grey or Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. But here I am, promoting your movie! Now I think this deserves at least one email response.
MMI: Man on a Ledge
“Okay, so...we have this guy on a ledge. And he can’t get down. He’s a jumper. It’s like...Phone Booth.”
“Okay, okay. I like it. But why is he on the ledge? Is he just really going to commit suicide?”
“Yeah. A large crowd gathers around. We find out more about why he wants to commit suicide. It turns out he’s a person of some interest. And there’s a relationship forming between him and the detective talking to him.”
“Okay, okay. I like it. But what if he doesn’t really want to commit suicide. What if it’s all a distraction? They’re actually robbing someone. Yeah! So you have the gimmick of Phone Booth but the fun of a Ocean’s Eleven.”
“Whoa! Yeah. Then we give the main character a shitty back story and have some weird plot twists!”
“You know, this is actually not going to be a good movie.”
“Oh, I know. But the producers will eat it up.”
“That’s true.”
“Okay, okay. I like it. But why is he on the ledge? Is he just really going to commit suicide?”
“Yeah. A large crowd gathers around. We find out more about why he wants to commit suicide. It turns out he’s a person of some interest. And there’s a relationship forming between him and the detective talking to him.”
“Okay, okay. I like it. But what if he doesn’t really want to commit suicide. What if it’s all a distraction? They’re actually robbing someone. Yeah! So you have the gimmick of Phone Booth but the fun of a Ocean’s Eleven.”
“Whoa! Yeah. Then we give the main character a shitty back story and have some weird plot twists!”
“You know, this is actually not going to be a good movie.”
“Oh, I know. But the producers will eat it up.”
“That’s true.”
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